A curious side-effect of owning a domain name with such global appeal as "Turdhead.com" is that apparently, the name tends to trip off the fingertips of people typing in bogus email addresses. Apparently, turdhead.com is a favorite surname for people registering to use questionable Web sites. I've received registration confirmations from sites intended for delivery to turdturdhead.com, nobodyturdhead.com and, of course, yourmommaturdhead.com. But none of these have received the number of offers that one fictitious Horace Fartenheimer, aka horacefartenheimerturdhead.com, has received.

Whoever you really are, Mr. Fartenheimer, I have your mail, and I hope you're finding happiness out there on the Web somewhere.

And I hope you're enjoying your free gifts, your low-interest mortgage, your month's supply of Viagra and your newly enlarged private areas. I've heard about them all, Horace, thanks to your use of our domain name as your personal spam can. I understand that lonely housewives are waiting for you, Horace, but that between your online degree classes and your meetings with Christian-valued tax preparers (WTF?), you haven't had the time to please that special someone in your life (or maybe you haven't met her? The emails are conflicting here). Perhaps the timeshare specials will help… or the discounted flowers… or the discrete herpes treatments.

Regardless, Horace Fartenheimer, wherever you are, say hi to nobodyhome.net and billgatesmicrosoft.com for us.

And tell Bambi we said hi (She's left several messages already.)

—VeryVito

Additional note: Anyone interested in the art of hating spam might get a kick out of Spamusement.com, one of our favorite channels of laughing at the common, everyday spam beasts.