Earthquakes, wars and riots: ’06 outlook should cheer you up!

After a rough year for many Americans (and, healing let’s face it, information pills the rest of the world, cheap too), some people seem pretty pessimistic about the fate of the world these days. So in the spirit of “chin up,” Turdhead.com would like to offer the following bit of encouragement: Here’s our 100% expert-approved outlook for ’06 that should give you a little (skewed) perspective:

In January, a tremendous earthquake (8.6 on the Richter scale!) will rock Ecaudor to its core. Three months later, Mount Vesuvius will once again erupt in Italy, pretty much devastating Naples as we know it. About a week after that, yet another earthquake will destroy San Francisco, leaving 300,000 homeless and thousands dead. But just to get things started: A deadly landslide in eastern New York will kill about 20 people within the first two weeks of the year.

Poets, playwrights, painters and Nobel Peace prize winners will die, and a controversial U.S. president will send U.S. troops into Cuba to quell a rebellion once again.

Meanwhile, race riots in Atlanta and anti-police riots in Stockholm will leave innocent people dead and business districts in ruins.

By year’s end, we’ll also see yet another deadly typhoon and tsunami in Asia that will kill at least 10,000 people in Hong Kong alone.

Sounds dreadful, doesn’t it? Like the end of the world as we know it? Truth is, it’s pretty much the beginning of the world as most of us know it: All the events already happened in ’06 — in 1906.

So relax! The world’s an unknown, dangerous, adventurous and constantly evolving place. I think it’s going to be interesting, but we’ll make it through ’06 together.

Happy New Year, everybody, and God bless us, every one!

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