I caught a keeper! (And no, that's not the actual ring.)

When I was 11 years old, I had no idea where life was going to take me.

Regardless, I'm absolutely certain that the 11-year-old that I once was would be proud — nay, deliriously ecstatic! – to know that the older, wiser me would one day announce my engagement to a beautiful woman (a middle-school teacher, no less!) on the front page of a publication called Turdhead.com.

So here it is: I'm getting married. I officially asked this weekend, and she officially said yes.

Somehow I doubt my fiancee's inner 11-year-old ever dreamed she'd see such an announcement under the "Turdhead.com" banner (or be happy about it, if she did), but hey, her adult self is well aware of what she's getting into. And besides, she's pretty cool.

And if she's still speaking to me after she sees this, the 11-year-old in me is looking forward to a long and happy life with her.

Stay tuned for details!