Remember the old days, when you could go to your computer, load your browser and check a quick fact or two — then go about your daily business and maybe even talk to friends once in a while? I'm talking about the days before convenient "automatic updates."

Today, I wanted to work on a piece of code I'd written the other day — part of a (gasp!) new game I plan to release here sometime in the not-so-distant future. I booted my trustless PC, then waited helplessly while it downloaded operating system updates and demanded I reboot it. After a quick, six-minute update and four-minute reboot sequence, I finally got back to my desktop. Ok, here goes — time to load my simple text editor and start hacking away…

Oh… There's a new update to Generic Editor 6.0. Do I want to download and install it now? Hmmm… No, I really just want to get to my code, so that's… What? It's highly recommended? My legs will whither if it's not installed immediately? Oh, well then, I guess, sure… go ahead. I'll wait…

Oh good, it's launched my browser. On our way now, just a few more — what the f—? A new update to Firefox has been downloaded. Would I like to install? Not right now, please, I really just want to…

WARNING! YOUR VIRUS DEFINITIONS ARE MORE THAN THREE MINUTES OLD. WOULD YOU LIKE TO UPDATE NOW?

Oh god, please stop…

SPYWARE DETERMINATOR HAS NOTED YOU MAY BE SUBJECT TO ADWARE CREATED WITHIN THE LAST 12 SECONDS. UPDATING NOW.

Please, I just want to see this one file…

REBOOTING NOW.

Twelve minutes to reboot this time. And now the browser has determined it was shut down improperly before the reboot. Would I like to restore the previous session? And while you're at it, maybe we should check your plug-ins…. Oh yes, this is bad… Very bad… You're going to need new ones, every one. This might take a while…

And I'd continue this brief update, but, well… my server is going down for a reboot in 3… 2… aw fu