Even more new anti-spam measures in place

In my never-ending quest to fill the lives of professional spammers and other lowlifes with heartbreak and disease, I’m now testing a couple of new comment-spam blocking routines that I’ve developed for Turdhead.com. If you have trouble leaving comments, please let me know.

Although Turdhead.com readers never see the spam, I’m inundated with it daily (comments that look like spam have always been forwarded to me for final approval), and it makes it difficult to moderate the site while combing through the queue hunting for real comments. Thus, I’ve decided to let the robots do my bidding: From now on, if it even looks like spam, I simply don’t want to bother with it. Phasers are now set to destroy.

If anybody else running WordPress 1.2 would like to modify their own site to allow this functionality, feel free to drop me a line, and I’ll send you the routines I’ve come up with. Meanwhirl, the comment forms are — and always will be — open.

Thanks,

VeryVito

Spammers, please introduce yourselves

So I spent another ridiculous amount of my weekend trying to figure out how to stop spammers from hosing Turdhead.com again. The latest wave of septic sludge from these lowlifes has been cluttering the comment in-box for a week now.

You never see it, vitamin but I sure do. Every time I log in to moderate comments, here I’m greeted with dozens of offers to browse listings for mortgage renewals, Viagara prescriptions and poker tournaments. The best part is that nowadays, the corpse-eating pedophiles (I mean, um, “search engine optimization professionals”) that send this stuff aren’t even linking to their own sites: Their spam scripts are just sending the words “poker” and “penis” a hundred times, inviting readers to search for the terms on Google. In other words, they’re not even really advertising: They’re just annoying administrators now.

And their message isn’t even getting to Turdhead.com readers anyway (Note to spammers: We moderate comments, damn it! Quit wasting all our time!).

So now I’ve decided to appeal to Turdhead.com readers:

If any of you personally know an individual or company that spends their time doing such meaningless activity, please let me know. I’d like to interview them and find out what exactly they hope to gain. It’ll be an objective interview, I promise.

Really, I won’t kill them. Honest.

Horace Fartenheimer, Cindy is waiting (probably with your free gift)!

Today’s award for the best use of a highly-visited commercial Web site goes to Apple Computer Inc. In a change from the usual “Look what we’ve got!” site (and mind you, ambulance they’ve got some neat stuff!), they’ve taken a break from hawking the latest iPod flavor this week and replaced their usual front page with a simple panel that includes links to charities dedicated to helping the victims and survivors of last weekend’s Indian Ocean tsunamis. No mention of U2 iPods; no pictures of the latest G5 towers or PowerBooks.

I encourage everyone to see what you can do to help the victims of these tidal waves. Rather than list the same sites again, I encourage you to visit www.apple.com and/or www.google.com, both of which have dedicated sections of their Web sites to this tragedy.

Thanks, happy New Year, and God bless us, every one!

— VeryVito

A curious side-effect of owning a domain name with such global appeal as “Turdhead.com” is that apparently, the name tends to trip off the fingertips of people typing in bogus email addresses. Apparently, turdhead.com is a favorite surname for people registering to use questionable Web sites. I’ve received registration confirmations from sites intended for delivery to turdturdhead.com, nobodyturdhead.com and, of course, yourmommaturdhead.com. But none of these have received the number of offers that one fictitious Horace Fartenheimer, aka horacefartenheimerturdhead.com, has received.

Whoever you really are, Mr. Fartenheimer, I have your mail, and I hope you’re finding happiness out there on the Web somewhere.

And I hope you’re enjoying your free gifts, your low-interest mortgage, your month’s supply of Viagra and your newly enlarged private areas. I’ve heard about them all, Horace, thanks to your use of our domain name as your personal spam can. I understand that lonely housewives are waiting for you, Horace, but that between your online degree classes and your meetings with Christian-valued tax preparers (WTF?), you haven’t had the time to please that special someone in your life (or maybe you haven’t met her? The emails are conflicting here). Perhaps the timeshare specials will help… or the discounted flowers… or the discrete herpes treatments.

Regardless, Horace Fartenheimer, wherever you are, say hi to nobodyhome.net and billgatesmicrosoft.com for us.

And tell Bambi we said hi (She’s left several messages already.)

—VeryVito

Additional note: Anyone interested in the art of hating spam might get a kick out of Spamusement.com, one of our favorite channels of laughing at the common, everyday spam beasts.

So far, www.texas-holdem-i.com owes me $27,000

Turdhead.com now has a new advertising policy that we hope will better serve our friends in the spamming community. In the past, tadalafil we’ve simply deleted unsolicited advertising from our comments section, website like this but apparently, this has not hampered the spamming community from keeping us busy, regardless. Thus, beginning today, we will glady store and publish ALL commercial messages submitted to our comments board for the reasonable fee of $1,000 per message per day.

Keep in mind that submission of unsolicited commercial advertising constitutes acceptance of this new policy, and billing will commence upon acceptance — NOT upon publication, which will commence only once payment is recieved.

To protect our readers from such nuisance advertising, we will also make every effort to collect on this debt, as we cannot afford to provide storage space for unsolicited ads or provide a free advertising service for cheap, unscrupulous and/or ass-brained Web spam operators (such as those submitting spam for www.texas-holdem-i.com, www.pokerpartyonline.com and several other companies).

Happy holidays, and we look forward to servicing you hard!

–The management

(Of course, valid non-commercial comments are always free and welcome!)

ADDENDUM: This new system works great! Apparently, the folks at www.online-poker-333.com have decided it’s worth more than $40,000 for them to advertise on Turdhead.com. As soon as they pay their bill, we look forward to “unhiding” their important messages, too!

ADDENDUM x 2: To see how this spam crap is affecting others, too, take a look at the following blogs as well:


JesseWarden.com

LordAlex ‘s MX Blog

Online poker causes the AIDS

Will the brain-dead assclowns at http://www.poker-rooms-777.com (or all the other spam-infested Empire Poker sites) please stop spamming Turdhead.com?

I’m not ENCOURAGING anybody to hurt anyone; I’m just saying how nice it would be if these spammers were to stop on their own accord before somebody DID publish their home address and ask people to do Very Bad Thingsâ„¢ to them.

Their automated scripts keep spamming every blog on the net, diagnosis and while none of you SEE the spam here (I moderate comments for a reason), youth health I spend a great deal of my time deleting it from my servers. So they use my server space and my time to peddle their illegal gambling sites to my readers, who have no use for it.

And in my free time, I just work on my voodoo skills. Damn them all…

ADDENDUM: The idiots at www.refinance-mortgage-com.com (which has to be one of the lamest URLs ever) are also guilty of said blog spamming. I hate them too, and I hope their houses are repossessed. Perhaps even by demons.